Saturday, December 23, 2006

Flatbush Gardener: Field Trip: Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Sunday, November 19, 2006


from May 21, 2004 originally titled "heart in a bottle"

my friend heidi is the ringleader of a group of activists and artists loosely termed the "love everybody" players. the most recent show was about the topic of heart. I won't go into too much detail here as I want to migrate it from paper to this digital realm for further development and it stands on it's own two feet just fine. but suffice to say, it was a collaboration of many, evocative and compelling. here's my contribution, late in the game, but heartfelt nonetheless.--- my website is named queenofspades for the second chapter of Jeanette Winterson's book, The Passion. see http://www.jeanettewinterson.com for more info. I recommend it highly.in JW's words "The Passion isn't an historical novel. It uses history as invented space. The Passion is set in a world where the miraculous and the everyday collide. Villanelle can walk on water. The woman she loves steals her heart and hides it in a jar. This is the city of mazes. You may meet an old woman in a doorway. She will tell your fortune depending on your face. The Passion is about war, and the private acts that stand against war. It's about survival and broken-heartedness, and cruelty and madness.What you risk reveals what you value."I wrote a thesis many years ago on this book and others that Winterson has written. I posited that she writes from a position of queer imagination. the thesis itself is another story really, which will eventually be available in all it's overintellectualized glory on the main site, but here the point is that heart at the center of it all.what is it about this organ that so captivates and fascinates us? I remain in awe. the heart as we conceive of it as a romantic organ is a fantastic thing. the physical beating heart that we cannot live without transcends the physical and becomes contested property which the lover must venture to gain and simultaneously protect from danger and destruction. my friend Alex once cautioned me to "be careful of your heart"I took this as a deep implicit understanding of my passionate and risk-inclined nature and have treasured this advice ever since. it has served me well. if only my heart would cooperate. ---I recently saw an ex-girlfriend, with whom I have had no communication for over 10 years. 15 years ago she was the love of my life. in retrospect, I realized that the same can still be said. I was terribly nervous to see her again. at the end of the night I had enjoyed myself thoroughly and was warm with the conversation of the evening and the happy vision of her fresh in my mind along with the politely supportive thoughts of her and her partner and their children. it all began to disintegrate once I got into the gypsy cab in Brooklyn and headed back to Manhattan, flooded with emotion and intensity, all from a couple of hours over dinner. and I thought to myself: "my heart is never so full as when I'm with her"I sat with that thought, reeling, the whole ride back to the East Village, damien's rice "the blowers daughter" looping in my head as tears ran down my face silently in the dark. my heart had leapt out of my chest and taken the reins, running away into the night after her against my better judgement there I was, so foolishly thinking that I have my heart firmly in hand all these years ---on boulevard st. germain in paris there was in 2002 a lamp and lighting boutique which had this fantastic lamp in the window every day and night I passed by. a heart enclosed in a bottle, lit from within. I couldn't stop staring and finally managed to remember my camera. ---in 1993 my third (and final to date) tattoo was inked. it is a heart in a version of the old sailor style, replete with a banner which says "honour desire". it is positioned on my inner right forearm facing me, as a reminder for me to follow my heart as I live this life that I've been entrusted with. whereever it may take me--- from "eskimo", by Damien Rice, on the album "O" as sung by Lisa Hannigan"silent night broken night all is fallen when you take your flight I found some hate for you just for show you found some love for me, thinking I'd go don't keep me from crying to sleep sleep in heavenly peace silent night broken night moonlit night nothing's changed, nothing is right I should be stronger than weeping alone you should be weaker than sending me home I can't stop you fighting to sleep sleep in heavenly peace"---heart remains a central topic in my life

Sunday, November 12, 2006




















more roma 2001

























2001 cinecittá, the backlot sets of gangs of new york...




































rome 2001 nintendo